I'm going to be rich!

I just received the following e-mail. I can't believe it, I can get gold dust! Where do I sign up?


Dear Sir,

I wish to introduce myself as Captain. Kojo, a mandate and representative of the Asare Bunso family resident in the Eastern Region of Ghana.
As you may know, our region remains the richest in terms of annual turn over in the mining industry in Ghana. Relatively every house whole has a mining concession or the other, either inherited from our late parents or just discovered as a result of geological analysis conducted in our communities.

It may also interest you to know that we currently have in our dear country Ghana, a Gold mining concession that is said to be in exhaustible even in the next 100 years!Based on this statistics, we in our family has decided to request for genuine foreign partnership with very truthful and honest investors who will come down to buy our produce (Gold Dust) and in return, pay for the produce part in cash and the balance In the supply of machineries to enable us boost our mining strength and capacity.

We are willing and ready to go into a long term purchase contract with you if you proof to be reliable and will respect the exclusive sale of the produce to you or your company only.
If this proposal interests you, please kindly reply us immediately and we will be glad to give you further details as to how much quantity we have for offer at the moment and other relevant procedures regarding the smooth completion of the transaction.
Looking forward to hearing from you soon.

Regards,

Yours truly,Captain. Kojo.


I can't wait! I knew I'd be rich some day!

She's an evil girl ...

Megan just sent S the following e-mail, as if she doesn't know that he still hasn't found a place to move, even though he's only paying rent 1 week at a time. I love her.


Hey S****,

I was just calling & e-mailing around to some different movers to see if someone was available on Sunday to move the rest of my stuff. But I wasn't sure what time frame to give them.

I know G*** and I would like to clean your room while it's empty, since it will be a lot easier than when it's full of my boxes. But I wasn't sure when you were planning on moving on Saturday (or if you had a time yet). I'm not trying to nail you down to a specific time, but if you had one, that would help me. Just because we were talking about shampooing the carpet and it would need time to dry, so if you didn't leave until later in the evening, then we'd do the carpet in the morning on Sunday and I'd try to schedule movers for Sunday afternoon. But if you moved early morning on Saturday, then I'd try to get movers for Sunday am.

So what I'm asking is, if you have a time on the 15th -- and no pressure to have a time -- would you share it with me?

Thanks so much,

Megan


It's amazing how sweet she can sound while saying "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE, YOU LOSER!!!!"

Now if only he'd pack up and get out.

Sick, sick stuff

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That Cold November Ra-ain ...

S's concern for his Schwinn continues.



I pulled into the driveway the other night when I was getting home from work. It was raining fairly hard, and I was surprised to see S on his knees in my neighbors parking spot. This was surprising for a couple reasons. First, I've never actually seen him outside of the house before. I mean, I know he leaves, I've seen him walk out the door ... but this is the first time I've seen signs that he has actually been off the property.

Second, this was surprising because of what he was doing. I had to look twice, but to my surprise, he was wiping down his bike chain with paper towels. I guess he didn't want his 30% reduction in efficiency to become a 40% reduction. One problem. He was wiping it down, in the RAIN! He did put the tarp on it when it was done. Of course, the tarp has a big old rip in it.

PS: I've always said that S's one redeeming quality is his timeliness with rent. Unfortunately, it's the third now. No rent yet.

Over the River and Through the Woods ...?

No, that's simply too much work.

On Wednesday, I asked S what he was going to do for Thanksgiving, since it was the next day. He responded, "I'll probably go to my Grandmother's house in (city 12 miles south of here)."
"Probably?" I asked. "Well, it depends on the weather. It might rain, and I don't want to get my bike wet, and if it's raining too hard I won't want to walk to the train."

Fast forward to Thanksgiving. We leave to go to my aunt's house at around one o'clock. Megan looks at the clock and says, "Should we tell S that the train is on the holiday schedule today? Maybe he should get out of bed." I know, yes he was still in bed. I responded that there was no way he was going to grandma's.

We got back from dinner around 9 P.M. When I came in the house of course S was standing in the kitchen. I said, "Lemme guess, you never left the house, and disappointed poor grandma." (I want to note, it didn't really rain.) He said, "yeah, I didn't go anywhere." I responded with guilt of course. "What did poor grandma say when you called? That's so sad, she had an empty seat at the table." His response? "Oh, I probably should have called, but she probably figured I wouldn't come." Well, if she's smart, of course she knew this, but come on ... it's a holiday. He couldn't get over his end of semester "stress" to go see grandma for a day. He's truly pathetic.

Love shack ... baby?

S recently told me that he was interested in one girl in each of his classes at school. I managed to not laugh out loud and told him that was good, and had he done anything to pursue it? His answer? "Well, I ordered a 50 pack of condoms over the internet."

First, let me say that I'm certain that God does these things to punish me. I'm certain He wanted to torture me to see if he could make me laugh. Well I didn't. I may have lost a year off my life, but I kept a straight face. I said, "Fifty, eh?" He told me he was trying to think positively, that he'd need 50, not two. So I asked him more directly, if he had expressed his interest to any of these girls. His reply was that he hadn't yet, but he was thinking about how to do so. I told him to be direct and say, "Hey baby, just ordered 50 condoms, thinking we could use them together." He looked like he was considering it.

Fast forward a few days. Megan breathelessly says to me "Oh my God, S just asked if he could ask my opinion about something. He then told me he was interested in a girl in one of his classes, and how should he approach her? They used to look at each other, but it was meaningful, and I feel a connection." My first thought was, "from a safe distance would be good." Megan told him to talk to her before class or after class, and ask her if she wanted to get a coffee or something. Let me remind you that this is a 29 year old man that we're talking about.

So it has been several weeks since he asked Megan about all of this. We've asked him once or twice what's going on. There is always some excuse why he wasn't able to talk to her before or after class. She now keeps her hood up and doesn't really look at him anymore. I think she's trying to avoid smelling him, but who knows, maybe he just missed his chance. It's comforting to me that the condoms sit in a corner, unused.

Bike Chain .... RUSTED!

I've mentioned S's fun little bike before. He really loves his bike. He takes it quite seriously. The other day I came home to find his bike up on the third floor back porch. I came in the house and asked him if he had given up on the concept of riding the bike to school for the season. He replied that his friend who works on bikes told him that leaving the bike out in the "elements" was a really bad idea, and that the chain will rust. When S heard this he realized that the bike had experienced a 30% reduction in efficiency. He said he has to peddle much harder than before.

I thought it was really funny that it took someone else telling him that the bike wasn't efficient for him to notice anything, but as soon as someone did the bike wasn't up to snuff anymore.

I left, and when I came back later the bike had moved back to the bottom of the stairs, chained back to the tree where he usually keeps it. One thing had changed, though. The bike is now covered with a pretty gray tarp. You'd think it was a motorcycle, or corvette, not a used, single speed bike.